I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You can't motorboat a personality
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
