While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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