you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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