she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
