I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It's never too late to be topless.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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