can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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