I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
