right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
