I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
