accomplished twins. life is a go
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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