...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
