i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
