Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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