Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
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I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
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Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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