3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I skipped work to stalk him.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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