bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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