Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
