R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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