so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
