My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I need a beard to bite.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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