Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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