he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
