I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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