I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
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and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
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what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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