I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
