the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I bet he comes in French.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
