So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
