i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
