Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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