And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
