apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
