Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
