i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
