Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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