I faked an abortion last night.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
