....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
