Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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