I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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