he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
