I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
