Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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