I think I am morally bankrupt
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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