i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
