I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
