i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
