Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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