Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Randomize
