I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I got inside last night via doggy door
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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