Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
