Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
