I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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