What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
