so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
