from now on my penis is your penis
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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