A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
