He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
