did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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