true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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