His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
