Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
