Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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