did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
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