New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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