I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
