The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
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turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
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She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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