so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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