its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
