Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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